When to Seek Out Marriage Counseling

marriage counselorA marriage is a sacred thing, a promise between two people dedicated to nurturing and growing the love and respect that exists between them. The bond of matrimony strengthens over time, matures and enriches both partners in their journey through life.

It may be smooth sailing all the way through life, full of romance and good times, but even the most loving couples find obstacles. But not all people feel that way about marriage and seeing a marriage counselor.

Both parties of the marriage are aware of the promises made at the altar but people change, the growth can alter the path that has so tightly united the couple, spiraling one or both of them down a new avenue. Marriage counseling becomes a necessary consideration, a process to reconcile and remind the couple of why they came together in the first place and to bring clarity to the situation.

Hopefully, all of the love and hard work placed in the marriage can find new life, new reasons to continue, or reminders of the original reasons they were so much in love. The specter of divorce may raise its head but the marriage counselor will explore many other paths before suggesting this.

Marriage counseling is often seen as a prelude to the end of a relationship, the last step before the dissolution of the marriage, but this isn’t the case at all. Counseling is simply another channel of communication, an intermediary in helping a relationship that is floundering. Both the husband and wife attend counseling sessions to determine what has gone wrong and to dedicate energy into finding a solution.

One positive indication of the health of the marriage already exists at this point, and that’s the desire of both individuals to work hard, to seek out an outside, expert third party who can bring new perspective to the situation. A marriage that was truly over would likely never even get as far as marriage counseling, sensing the love was gone and it was time to move on to a divorce.

Hopefully, the sense of the end of the marriage would be mutual, and both wife and husband could end the relationship amicably, even remaining friends.

There is another reason to work hard in keeping a marriage alive, the loving product of that marriage, and that’s children. A serious breakdown in the marriage means intense stress in the family structure. Kids hear yelling every night as the once loving couple lay blame at each other’s feet. The children are forced to make impossible choice, deciding between their beloved mother and father.

If the arguments move on to divorce, lawyers become involved, custody decisions will have to be decided, one of the parents will end up moving out, and nothing can ever be the same again. The closest analogy would be the jumping off of a high cliff, for once someone jumps they can’t change their minds. Divorce has a certain feeling of gravity to it. The law starts to grind its wheels as papers are signed and marriage bonds are dissolved.

If there’s no love, no affection left between the parents, then this is a tragic but unavoidable move, but if there’s any other possible resolution then the couple has to fight for the marriage, remind themselves that they once adored each other.

A marriage counselor exists for just this purpose. Sometimes the couple may simply have grown apart and need advice on where they should go next, where they stand in relation to each other. The sessions may be no more than the rekindling of old feelings, the realization that everyone changes over time and they can adapt to move with the change, growing closer together than ever before with new understanding.

Divorce, in this situation, need never be a word that is raised, and the gap between both husband and wife is a very bridgeable distance to close. Distance and alienation have many reasons for developing and a counselor illuminates the reasons why these feelings exist. Often, the feelings have no connection to the relationship but are born out of other insecurities. Poor communication is another common reason, one of the couple perhaps suffering a trauma and turning inward instead of sharing the crisis with their life partner.

A marriage counselor will use all of the training and resources they possess to save the relationship. They’ll reason and remind the husband and wife of their past, of times of intimacy. The counselor takes both parties of the marriage through therapy sessions designed to change perspective, perhaps switching places and acting out each other’s opinions and concerns, but, in the end, it’s all down to the strength of the marriage, of how much the couple still cares for each other.

Divorce may after all be the only option but only after the counselor has exhausted every other therapy option in their training.

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Posted in Communication
5 comments on “When to Seek Out Marriage Counseling
  1. botanist says:

    Marriage counseling is a big decision, it’s hard when one person wants to work toward happiness and the other is perfectly content with how they live and how they effect their partner. I hear that counseling actually works.

    • Danagetty says:

      You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. Isn’t that the saying? It is VERY difficult when one party isn’t happy and the other person is content to let things continue as if nothing is wrong.

      I think that’s where you get into having empathy for others. You may not feel the same way, but actually understanding why someone feels the way they do does wonders in almost any situation.

  2. darelle4 says:

    Marriage counseling should be sought after when the couples are not quite understanding each other and there is a problem in communication. They may need someone form the outside to show them what needs to be done and where the issue lies. Counseling is also necessary when there is infidelity to help restore the union and trust and help get rid of the old emotions that might still hinder the marriage as a result of infidelity and stuff.

  3. mary says:

    If more couples tried marriage counselling early on the chances for a successful marriage would rise but people only look at counselling when they are in trouble and sometimes it’s too late. Maybe married couples should make marriage counselling appointments when there is no problems and this way any problems that are lying underneath could get solved before it blows up.

  4. Danagetty says:

    Well, I certainly think that people throw in the towel far too quickly these days. In general, we live in a very disposable society. If something no longer works, we simply throw it away. Sadly, I think this mindset bleeds into everything, including marriages.

    Simply put, a marriage is hard work. It takes some upkeep. I would venture a guess that many married couples at least once in their marriage could benefit from some sort of marriage counseling, and there is nothing wrong with that.

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